


Five of Kurt’s Drunk Personalities + One of Sebastian’s

by TheSubtextMachine



Category: Glee
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Prompt Fill, Short & Sweet, Snippets, like Kurt and Sebastian go to the same college, they're in LOOOOOVE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:53:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24779443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSubtextMachine/pseuds/TheSubtextMachine
Summary: You found me crying on the kitchen floor in the middle of the night surrounded by a shattered jelly jar + kurtbastian+maybe sebastian is really drunk at a party or dinner and he keeps professing his love for Kurt “you are just so beautiful” “your eyes are just so perfect” “i really really love you, you know that?” “i just want to date you” and Kurt’s just like... “bas, i know, you proposed to me six months ago and our wedding is in a week”-Snippets from Kurt and Sebastian's life together, as shown by their various drunk personalities.
Relationships: Kurt Hummel/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 7
Kudos: 164





	Five of Kurt’s Drunk Personalities + One of Sebastian’s

**Vodka Kurt: Dance Dance Revolution**

From: Kurt Hummel  
To: Sebastian Smythe  
I am sad. I have my fake ID. You know what time it is.

From: Sebastian Smythe  
To: Kurt Hummel  
It is 7:36.

From: Kurt Hummel  
To: Sebastian Smythe  
I’m not above clubbing without you

From: Sebastian Smythe  
To: Kurt Hummel  
You have been single for how long again? 

From: Kurt Hummel  
To: Sebastian Smythe  
Long enough that I need a drink, some eye candy, and a possible hookup. Preferably one who will buy me a drink.

From: Sebastian Smythe  
To: Kurt Hummel  
Kurt Hummel? Picking up a one night stand? I’d PAY to watch that.

From: Kurt Hummel  
To: Sebastian Smythe  
Okay, buy me a drink then <3

Kurt had, in the past year, become the bane of Sebastian’s existence in the best way possible. Being on the same floor of their dorm building had that effect, even if the first few days were a frantic mess of deep talks and apologies mixed with intense sessions of insulting each other. They had reached the point where anyone who wasn’t Kurt or Sebastian would call them best friends, which unfortunately meant that Sebastian was usually handling the responsibility to help Kurt through whatever heartbreak hit him.

The end of Kurt’s on and off relationship from high school was a doozy, but they had made it over the hump, which apparently meant that Kurt was in the “getting slutty” part of a good heartbreak.

(Sebastian was in no place to judge, since he had spent a fair amount of his own senior year in that exact phase.)

An hour later, Sebastian was coaching Kurt on the best jeans to wear for getting laid, which had the deeply unhelpful side effect of making Sebastian spend a lot of time looking at Kurt’s butt, which was on the way of sending him into cardiac arrest.

Sebastian wasn't _lusting_ over his best friend, no matter what his friends said when he complained to them about how hard it was to face Kurt after having yet another sex dream about him, but moments like this sure made him wonder.

Kurt’s face after Sebastian said “wear the black ones, they make your legs look amazing” also made him wonder.

One uber ride and three vodka shots later, Sebastian realized that he may be a bit in over his head, because while he expected drunk and slutty Kurt to be a force of nature, he did not expect for him to be so ready to dance his heart out.

Kurt, thanks to all of his dance classes, wasn’t the sloppy kind of drunk dancer that Sebastian was used to, but he was a much more dangerous type of drunk dancer. He had lost his inhibitions, and the sweaty exertions of dancing were weighing on him, so when he started unbuttoning his shirt while shimmying his shoulders, Sebastian, who was dancing across from him, wasn’t surprised, but he was taken aback.

It was a transfixing sight, really. The way Kurt’s fingers moved so nimbly around the buttons, the slight sheen of sweat glistening in a rainbow of colors from the rainbow lights, all of it worked together to create a sight that seemed impossible to look away from. It was like a trance, and Kurt’s inability to recognize the effect it was having on Sebastian came as an intense relief.

He was in some deep shit if he kept this “totally not lusting after my friend” shit up, he realized. The longer he looked at Kurt dancing his heart out, the harder it became to look away, and Sebastian had a feeling that being with Kurt would feel the same way.

-

**Whiskey Kurt: The Plight of the Angry Muscle Man**

While Sebastian could, on a purely objective level, understand why Kurt was yelling at Blake McWillams, he didn’t _get it_. Sebastian was two fruity cocktails into the party, and everything was a bit blurrier and made way less sense.

The facts of the case were that Blake called Sebastian a manwhore, so Kurt decided to rip him a new one, which made sense, except it totally didn’t.

Sebastian’s thoughts were moving at precisely 0 mph, and he was a bit preoccupied with moving his head between them like their verbal sparring was a tennis match. Kurt called him a manwhore all the time, so he didn’t fully understand what he was so worked up about, even if he was very entertained by Kurt’s slurring words.

“No, Blake you are _lucky_ that I am a pacificitist, because I was on the fucking football team in high school, I could kick your ass right now if I wanted to!” yelled Kurt. Sebastian wanted to correct him on the proper pronunciation of pacifist, but by the time he put that together in his head, Blake was making his comeback.

“You’re little Mr. Tiny, you couldn’t beat me up, it would be like a chihuahua beating up a wolf-”

“You think you’re a wolf? You gonna go howl at the moon? Better the moon than my friend!” said Kurt, and Sebastian had moved from being a little confused to where he was now, which was out of his head confused, like watching an abstract movie.

“Okay, Mr. White Knight,” slurred Blake, “have fun with your boyfriend, I’m going to go back to partying where I’m not getting yelled at by _chihuahuas_!”

“Sick burn! Oh, what an insult for me to be dating a guy who’s attractive like Sebastian! Oh, how dare I stick up for my friend! I could rip you to pieces!”

“Kurt, you think I’m attractive?” Sebastian asked. He was only catching every other word, and this was the most notable thing he could pick up.

“Duh. But back to the matter at hand-”

“I’m leaving!” exclaimed Blake before walking off, refusing to look back.

“Bye, hater!” yelled Kurt at his back, before turning back to Sebastian, looking flushed and panting.

“Were you actually on the football team?” Sebastian asked. His voice was slow, contemplative. He was more than a little distracted by how out of breath and wild eyed Kurt looked.

“Yeah, I won them the only game that season. I was also a cheerleader,” said Kurt, and he was beginning to calm. The blush on his face was fading into a soft pink, and his lips were twitching into a smile, slowly but surely.

Sebastian just looked at him. Examined him, like a scientist, as if the longer he stared at the smooth skin of Kurt’s face, the closer he’d get to understanding how Kurt was real. 

“You amaze me,” whispered Sebastian, nodding slowly. 

-

**Rum Kurt: Honesty Hour**

The housewarming party for Kurt and Sebastian’s new shoebox apartment was going along quite well, even if their friends brought three times more toilet paper holders than there were bathrooms.

The drinks that night were a result of the closest liquor store’s sale on rum, and Sebastian was swimming along, letting the sleepy drunkenness overtake him as he sat on his (theirs, now) IKEA couch. He was listening to his friend go on a protracted rant about the nature of humanity, which was all going in one ear and out the other, when he heard a screech from the bathroom.

Before he could stand up to go over, Rachel ran out. Upon seeing her face, he knew immediately that she was not only the originator of the screech, but she was also overjoyed by whatever she heard/saw/felt in there.

“You would not _believe_ what I just heard,” she slurred. She stumbled over to where Sebastian was sitting, and plopped herself down next to him on the couch.

“Was it the scream? Because I’m pretty sure that was you,” said Sebastian.

“No, no, I was doing Kurt’s makeup-”

“Why?”

“For fun, it’s a party! Anyways, I was doing his makeup, and we were gossipping, and I think he’s like, about to fall asleep, because he was really chilled out,” said Rachel, before drawing in a huge gasp of air so she could continue. “Anyway, I was talking about you, asking about your love life-”

“Why didn't you just ask me?” asked Sebastian, his eyes squinting in genuine confusion.

“Because me and Kurt were talking about it?” asked Rachel back. There was a moment of shared confusion at the lost track the conversation took, before Rachel came to her senses again with a gasp. “Kurt! He said- Well, I was like, what’s the deal with Sebastian? His love life? And Kurt said, well, he was like, Rachel, I don’t even wanna know, and I was like, why would you even say that?”

“Yeah, that’s- why would he say that?”

“I’m about to answer that very question!” 

“Isn’t it obvious?” asked Sebsstian’s friend, who up until then, hadn’t added anything to the conversation.

“Obviously not,” said Sebastian.

“Yeah, I had no idea either, so I was like, Kurt. Spill. Why don’t you want to know? And he said-”

“What did he say?” asked Sebastian, his eyes gone wide. 

“I was about to tell you!”

“Then tell me!”

“Fine! He said that he gets all confused from it, from seeing you with people-”

“Why is this a shock to any of you, Kurt has feelings for Sebastian, realized or not. Anyway-”

“Woah, woah woah! I need more fucking info right _now_ ,” said Sebastian, making a stumbling move to stand up. He was wide awake now. 

Sebastian’s half baked intention to march into that (admittedly tiny) bathroom and try to wheedle more information from Kurt was aborted the second that Kurt, his steps lazy and unbothered, walked out of the bathroom to check out the loud discussion in the living room.

“What the fuck are you guys yelling about? I was about to take a nap on the bathroom sink,” said Kurt, and Sebastian couldn’t help but smile at Kurt’s makeup, which had been smudged and messily applied. 

“We were, well, it- Sebastian, I think you should take this one,” stammered Rachel, before stepping away from the fray.

“According to Rachel you said that seeing me with other people was, what was the word, confusing?” asked Sebastian. He looked around the room and saw that everyone at the party was watching the interaction in dead silence.

Kurt squinted his eyes at Sebastian.

“Yeah? What about it?” asked Kurt, as if he could not see the issue.

“Why?” Sebastian demanded. There was a growing restless anxiety brewing in his foggy brain.

“Because it‘s the truth.”

“Why are you confused by it?”

“I mean… we live together, I’ve known you forever, sometimes I wonder if I have feelings for you.”

The party had gone so quiet that Sebastian could hear someone in the kitchen whisper “What the _fuck_.”

“You wonder? You don’t know?” Sebastian asked.

“When you care about someone a lot, it can be hard to figure out. Why am I on trial right now?”

“Because- Be- if you feel something, let me know, okay?” asked Sebastian.

“Sure. I’m going to bed,” said Kurt, looking perfectly unbothered.

“Goodnight,” said Sebastian, and the people at the party echoed the word to Kurt as he retreated to his bedroom. Sebastian turned back to the people watching him with a frantic look. “What the fuck?”

The other partygoers looked at him with a similar look. It felt like a standoff was happening, where everybody was waiting for someone to break the ice.

“Maybe you should, umm… follow him? Go get your man,” said Nick. He took a long, tense sip from his drink once he had finished speaking.

“I’m pretty sure he's asleep right now.”

“Go get your man when he wakes up, then,” said Rachel.

“Guess I will, then. Go home, everyone, I’m going to bed now so I can store up energy for my epic hangover wooing session,” said Sebastian, making a shooing gesture with his hands.With sighs and groans, the partygoers followed his orders, and he promptly passed out on his couch, ready to make a move on Kurt when they’d remember it better.

-

**Wine Kurt: We Weepy**

They were celebrating Sebastian’s promotion with box wine that night, which had concluded in them both falling asleep while cuddling on their couch. The relationship between them had evolved quickly, moving from their tentative agreement to try and date to where they were three months later, exchanging lazy kisses and feeling like they’d been together for so much longer than three months.

When Sebastian woke up alone on the couch, hearing what sounded like weeping from the kitchen, he pushed past his sleepy confusion to investigate. 

He stumbled upon Kurt, surrounded by a shattered jelly jar, sobbing. Kurt did not take notice of Sebastian’s entrance.

“What’s going on?” asked Sebastian, after a few long moments of trying to piece together what was happening on his own.

“I was trying to make a sandwich,” sobbed out Kurt. “And then I dropped the jar, and then I was thinking about how I can’t do anything right-”

“Woah, cowboy, I’m going to have to stop you there. You are very talented and capable.”

This, for reasons Sebastian could not ascertain, only made Kurt cry harder. 

“What- why are you-”

“Happy tears. I just- I love you so much,” said Kurt, with tears falling down his blotchy face.

Kurt said “I love you” before, but something about this felt so raw to Sebastian, so heartfelt, that he got a bit teary himself.

“I love you too. And I think we should take a break from box wine, too.”

-

**Beer Kurt: The Smoothest Motherfucker Here**

Sebastian was initially dreading going to Alex’s bachelor party with Kurt, mostly because of the beer.

Alex was their mutual friend from college, but Alex was also a Craft Beer enthusiast, and insisted that while he and the “broskis” had a stereotypical, poker-filled bachelor party, they would only drink beer for the night. Sebastian couldn’t pinpoint when he decided that Kurt wasn’t a beer guy- it was one of the things that he intuited. 

Judging by the way Kurt was slamming back Alex’s beers and saying “I keep expecting worse”, Sebastian intuited very incorrectly. 

The first interesting thing about Kurt after drinking beer was that his poker skills were ramped up to the nth degree. He was collecting the poker chips with a startling regularity, until there was a heap in front of him.

The second interesting thing was that Kurt, after every win, would squeeze Sebastian‘s thigh, wink at him, and say something about Sebastian being his good luck charm.

That was very new.

Kurt never was a flirter, Sebastian could remember that. Their friendship-turned-romance was very much about clearly stated interest, not cheeky hints towards wanting something.

“Hey Sebastian, could you hold this?” Kurt asked, breaking him out of his musings.

“Sure, what do you need me to-” Kurt interrupted him by grabbing his hand and holding it, and Sebastian’s soft “ohhh, that was smooth,” elicited a round of giggles from the equally drunk people at the table.

“Why is drunk Kurt such a smooth motherfucker?” asked Alex with a giddy, excited smile on his face. Sebastian could tell that he was jotting every moment of this down in his mind to turn this into a story at Kurt’s bachelor party.

“It’s the skin sloughing regimen,” said Kurt, still looking at Sebastian with what can only be described as a smolder.

-

**General Drunk Sebastian: [heart eyes]**

“I really love you. You know that, right?” Sebastian asked, looking up at Kurt from where his head was cradled in Kurt’s lap.

“I sure hope so,” said Kurt as he ran delicate fingers through Sebastian’s hair. “Because we got engaged, like, yesterday.”

They were in the backseat of the car, on the way home from the Warbler reunion. Kurt and Sebastian had dressed up and drunk enough that David had to drive them back home. 

“I just- your _eyes_ , you know?” said Sebastian. His head was bobbing a bit every time there was a speedbump, but Kurt was too focused on the unabashed love in his fiance’s (!!!) eyes to notice the bumps in the road.

“I love your eyes too, Sebastian.”

“No, but yours are- and you- I just really want to date you-”

“We’re engaged,” said Kurt, and he could hear the laughter from the front seats.

“I’m so lucky,” said Sebastian, looking like he was near tears with happiness.

“So am I. And I’m guessing you need a nap when you get home?”

At this, Sebastian smiled and a stray tear fell down his face, “you know me so well.”

“Of course I do, doofus. I love you.”

“I love you too,” he said, and Kurt gave his hair a little ruffle.

**Author's Note:**

> prompts still open @thesubtextmachine on tumblr!!! Thank you so much for reading, and feel free to leave a comment to brighten my day!


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